Worst Diet idea EVER

Slimfast and Black Beans

Like 80 carbs

Daily limit is 24.

Put on weight fast!

Alien Disc Apple Pie

***Part of the Pintester Movement***

http://pintester.com/category/pintester-movement/

At our beef cattle ranch, we are hosting a party for some Chinese folks from Beijing. ( beef cattle ranch? Aren't you vegan? Mostly yes. A tenant puts mommas and babies on to eat the grass and pays our taxes, so, we're part of the sustainable ranching thing but I digress).

A pic of Miss Sassyboo, the donkey.

She looks super with an app called "Portrait Painter".

We want to show the Chinese a very American, ranch, country experience, so there IS going to be BBQ, salmon and veggies.

Drawer of MEAT:

My guy does AMAZING things with this puppy:

But what to have for dessert?

Berries would be unusual for them , so we have those, but what's more American than Apple Pie?

Pinterest for inspiration:

And then reality sets in...

I have shit to do and I'm still in my bathrobe.

I may need one if these:

thank god for allergy laden pie:

That they have to instruct people to take OFF the plastic scares me.

BEWARE the SHINY PIE!

Looks good without the box and "Portrait Painter" What?! 

Yea....

A new level of FOOD PORN is possible with this app!

Behold the 

ALIEN DISC PORTRAIT PIE!

of Mice, Meatballs and Migranes

You all know that I am no saint when it comes to hamburger.

remember " Cold Turkey, Hot Burger"?

Well, today I got a migraine like never before. 

I toughed it out at work until I saw honeycomb patterns in front of me and knew I had to beat the traffic home. (" is this what FLIES see?!")

LIGHT! GAH!

SOUND! GAH!

To bed I went. 

I think it has a cool, Deadmaus qual to it...

I was starving and wanted " quiet food".

Meatballs from Russo's in the neighborhood sounded good. 

No hummus.

No garbanzos and chili oil.

Not even cookie dough, people.

Damn, that's serious.

So my guy, who was past the worst of his bout with it-and he's supertough too-went to get the goods.

Meatballs.

In bed. 

Deadmaus style.

yep.

Letter to Whole Foods

A while ago, I ordered groceries via Whole Foods concierge service.

First personal shop is free, after that $15.

totally worth it to me.

Recently, I got an email from them asking if  I was still interested. Of course I am. 

Here's what prevents me from another gander:

Dear Whole Foods Concierge,

Thanks for the email.

I do recall my personal shop fondly and often think about doing it again. 

What stops me?

1. Knowing that I have to find the pdf somewhere in my work computer and know the names if the items that I need.

2. Gearing up for going to the traffic-congested area of Kirby (I work in ---- now and am rarely on Freeway x near --- St anymore). Also, my office no longer has FAX.

What would make me a regular personal shopper user? 

An app for my iphone with search and radio-button technology. or at least a website to do it at work on my lunchbreak.

Would I pay more for this?

You bet! I hate grocery shopping in person at Whole Foods: Narrow aisles prohibitive to wheelchairs, crowds around the produce, stocking produce at peak times, screaming, indulged toddlers that I don't encounter at HEB or Randalls- Mostly its all the stacks of product displays cluttering the aisles and bratty kids that keeps me away. Do you ever have "mystery shoppers" that could emulate the experience of shopping after work or on a Friday off of a harried working couple without kids? When the kiddos start up, we stop filling our cart and leave. How about "family Wednesdays" for discounts for those immune to the tantrums if the tiny?

I DO miss the concierge service.

If it was super easy to do, I would do it regularly.

What would this mean to you for bottom dollar on the service?

My household spends about $600/mo in groceries/month. We are both humane meat/eggs,  Pescetarian and juicers with allergies, so that means 2-3 shops/month for fresh items. 

your margin on $600 (idk 5.2%?) plus $45 for concierge service a month?

$571.20/year?

I'm not sure if a Whole Foods is being considered for ----- area E side of Freeway x2 but I can tell you that, at least for us, we have a weekend place in xyz. All planets would be aligned if concierge service + Whole Foods on fwy x2 were available or if there was one in town A. I'd work extra hard to find that pdf and guess at what I needed if either were the case.

I love the products you carry and the concierge service. It would have to be insanely easier for me to do it more often. 

Best,

----

Sent from my iPhone

On Sep 4, 2013, at 1:30 PM, Kirby Concierge Orders <kirby.conciergeorders@wholefoods.com> wrote:

Hello ---,

                It’s been awhile since we’ve heard from you and we have missed you! Please let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. As a reminder, below is a list of our concierge services. It highlights some of our most requested services, but if there’s something more you want from us, just ask! We would love your feedback on what more we can do for you!

Personal Shopping

Have a list but no time? Impromptu cocktail party? Don’t have time to round up the whole family just to grab a few things? You don’t have to sacrifice your precious time and energy for quality food! A concierge shop is designed to fit perfectly into your daily routine. Send us your family's standard grocery list and we'll shop it for you. Our guests can expect speedy service, same day delivery if desired, and reasonable shopping fees. Although a typical household shop yields an average $15 fee, we're happy to waive the fee for all first time shops. Contact us to learn more about personal shopping, home delivery and our complimentary curbside pickup option.

 

Restaurant & Office Stocking

Working on a deadline and dreading unhealthy take-out? Can’t keep Topo Chico in stock in your office refrigerator? Let us deliver all your office needs right to your floor. We offer a 10% discount on all cases of product and can place weekly special orders to ensure you never run out!

 

Catering and Event Consultation

From starters to sides, main entrees to decadent desserts, Whole Foods Market Kirby has your catering needs covered. Menu planning, one of our favorite tasks, is an exciting way to utilize our concierge service. Our expert team will provide innovative and exquisite party fare that you can easily assemble yourself in just minutes. If you're having a wedding reception, birthday bash or event just a family dinner, email or phone in your menu ideas and set up an appointment to visit us for a free menu sampling.

 

Special Orders

Stock up on your favorite must-have snacks, or special order items you aren't finding on our shelves. You'll typically enjoy your products within 48 hours! Although you can order very large quantities with this service, you'll receive a 10% discount off even just one case of any special order. We can currently special order cases of grocery items, organic and conventional produce, specialty beer, bulk grains and beans, and fresh meats. Special orders can be picked up at our Guest Service desk or they can be delivered.

 

Gifts

Flowers, chocolates, wine and fruits are typical components of a gift basket or gift bag, but feel certain our service also allows for your personal creativity. Many guests prefer to give the Concierge Team a budget and theme, such as locally produced foods, gluten-free goodies, or body care. Some guests simply give us a favorite color to work with. Whether you choose a traditional, contemporary or customized gift, we'll create the perfect gift basket or goodie bags.

                We’d like to sincerely say thank you for your time. We truly do appreciate and value our guests and strive to deliver outstanding service every time. Please let us know at Kirby.conciergeorders@wholefoods.com if you have any questions. The Kirby Concierge team is dedicated to making your experience an excellent one.

Thanks,

 

Guest Services Concierge

Whole Foods Market Kirby

Kirby.conciergeorders@wholefoods.com

 

Click here to see our catering menu!

 

"

Shower Diet Coke

I wasn't in the mood for coffee this morning. 

That really hasn't happened since I was 3 or so. (Age of Aquarius parents, don't judge...)

What I really wanted was 5 hour energy drink that tastes like liquid Smarties and is sort of gagorific but wakes me up.

I couldn't find it right away, so a Diet Coke, left over from Saturday would have to do:

In my house, we're multitaskers. 

Shower beer is nice in the evenings as is 

Shower wine. 

Yep I went there. 

I did find the Smarties energy drink, which allowed me to do a hair blowout and flat iron. 

Hoozah!

Jay and the Giant Egg

now that i have beaten kidney disease, i can eat plenty of protein.

How to get it without too many WW points? (5)

Giant Egg!

Even my guy loves this!

2 reg eggs

3 egg whites

put all 5 in a cup

heat pan to med-high

pit canola spray in pan

add eggs and cook until most if the white is not runny

cut eggs in half w spatula and flip each over easy

cook for 20 sec more

serve w sea salt

mm runny yolk over all. 

So whatever happened to that broccoli experiment?

Life. 

Work, getting married, honeymooning, renovations. 

You know. 

I DID make this cool, homemade pie chart for y'all tho. 

Basically- buy the crown. 

Shown as 30pct by weight. 

Juicy!

I watched a documentary the other day by chance.

It happened to be one if the first films listed on a new app.

So, I bit. 

Thinking I was going to get some sort of patchouli-scented lecture, I watched.  

And kept watching this endearing Aussie man 100 lbs overweight and dealing with a bad skin condition talk about micronutrients and juicing. 

The movie  "fat, sick and nearly dead" is his the beginning of his 60 day journey of consuming nothing but high- nutrient juice as he crosses the US, wondering if he can cure himself and resist hamburgers, fries, etc.

http://www.fatsickandnearlydead.com/

Since I discovered Xanthan gum comes from corn, my chocolate shake is out as an alternative quick breakfast as per doctors orders. 

Here's my new Breville Juicer from amazon-love both!

3 big bunches kale, take off stem

10 bunches reg parsley 

3 gala apples, pears, oranges

Bag of celery hearts- optional 

Cucumbers-peeled

1 lemon peeled

To wash off pesticides:

Soak veggies in big bowl 

1/4 C sea salt

1 C white vinegar. 

Rinse really well if you are on yeast free diet. 

Mashy Tater Taters! Prison free!

Mostly ovo vegan intersects with yeast-free diet is all the allergies.

No bread
No potatoes
No wine

My dad said "they eat better in prison".

I won't go into the nitty gritty, but it seems to be working.

Years ago I tried making mashed 'taters From cauliflower.

Cauliflower. That hideous, mealy white stuff that could barely be disguised by cheese sauce as a kid. Bleah.

But then.

Nice dinner out with my guy and friends and I was served scallops with  cauliflower purée. It was so good.

Steam 1 head cauliflower florets

Add 1/4 C water at a time to purée

Butter, S & P to taste. 

Thumbtacks and Junior Mints

Brutal.

This yeast- free diet on top of ovo began diet is brutal.

" they eat better in prison" said my dad.

I read a description of the getting rid of intestinal yeast online. It read "it's like having 4 thumbtacks in your foot. To only follow the diet incompletely is like only pulling out 1 of the thumbtacks."

At the movie theater junk food concession, my husband got Junior Mints. Movie theater almost as tough as a wine bar.

I thought of the thumbtacks.

I got a coffee.

And sniffed the Junior Mint box.
A lot.

AWFULly good waffles!

Waffles!

Missed them, love them.

How in the world to have some while watching my weight, avoiding wheat and on yeast free diet?

Garbanzo bean flour!

1/4 C Garbanzo bean flour
Mix with water to pancake consistency
Cook in babycakes finger waffle iron

In a Pyrex cup,
1T coconut oil
Few drops of butter flavor extract
2 droppers of English Toffee Stevia
Zap for 20 sec

Makes 3 waffle fingers
Dip in coconut oil mix ( syrup)

6 WW points plus
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

My husband tasted them once.
He spit it out and said
" how do you EAT these?!
They're AWFUL!"

Haha

To me, they're awfully good!

The Pain of the Pain

Tanger, Morocco, Africa. 

The second language is French and it came in handy since I don't speak Arabic. Aside from hello and thank you. 

The word for bread in French "pain" pronounced "pahn" But spelled "pain"...And for good reason:

So much grain and sugar  here. Brown round bread and pizzas are baked in a tiny stucco and stone room by hottest fire in the morning by the men. They have the tough hands needed for the dough. The patisseries are made by the women with more delicate  "golden hands" and then baked by the cooler fires in the afternoon.  When I have some sugar or bread,  I just want more and more. And now on day 3, the pain from the wheat that is only alleviated by hydrocodone, of which I have none, has returned.  

But there will still be cava to counteract the pain of the pain. 

Sent from my iPhone

Does it pay to get convenience broccoli?

In a word, YES!

Sunday afternoon and  I'm reeling from 

A Saturday. Where I cooked and prepped foods ALL DAY. 

It seemed. 

"She's choppin' broccoli..."

http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/video/dana-carvey-and-jimmy-sing-chopping-broccoli/n16333/

I got to wondering : "would it have been more economical to get steamer bags of florets rather than all this chopping?"

So, on the way home, my guy indulged me, also being a scienceth nerd. 

We got 1.5 lbs of broccoli with stem. 

A cart full of groceries later, we headed home to conduct the experiment. 

I carefully cut the florets from the raab and then cut the crown from the stem. My hands could feel the varying weights and sauce and soup cans helped me estimate the weight of each. ( remember when soup cans were really a pound and could be used for working out?)

1.5 lbs = 16 + 8 or 24 oz

Florets-8oz -a bit less than can chicken soup

Crown 6 oz-abt same as tomato sauce 

Stem- 10oz about same as chicken soup

24 oz

So,

1.5 @ 1.99/lb is about $2.50

Florets 30%= $0.75 for .45lbs

Crown: 25%= $0.63

Stem: 45%=$1.12

Florets $0.75/.45lbs = $x/1lb

Cross multiply:0.45x=$0.75/1lbs

Divide: x=$0.75/.45lbs

In progress....

Sent from my iPhone

Sensa vs. muffin bread. I tried everything here except walking away. my workplace has all sorts of food temptations. I even had fruit AND Sensa. Nothing worked. I'm afraid to know how many pts a slice of muffin bread has.

There's Donkey peanut butter and then there's "Jay" peanut butter...

Peanut butter.

And bananas.

I just LOVE it.

But regular PB can be a lot of points. And many 'defatted' peanut butters have sugar or allergens.

I did find that peanut powder online. And it's great. Mix with water and salt-voila!

"Disgusting". "Sick". "There's Donkey Peanut Butter. And then there's yours."

Haha!

Fair enough. I imagine that eating mostly vegan whole foods ruins my taste buds. Everything is WAAAY too sweet for me.

Except Snickers.

But I digress...

My fiance' likes normal-people peanut butter, because, well, he's normal.

After 1 morning of noticing the donkey's interest in normal peanut butter, we bought generic for the donkey to trick her into taking worming paste at some point in the unknown future. She turned her nose. She likes normal-people peanut butter.

She's a discerning donkey.

Perhaps we should have a taste test.

And then there's my low-point peanut butter that is great on bananas or with sugar free jam.

But not alone.

For those rare occasions I NEED a T of the real thing, I eat what the normal people do.

And the donkeys...
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Best $90 I ever spent-my conversation with Emily

Skype.

It's an amazing thing.

From the middle of ranch country in Texas to Israel. A guide, a mentor.

Today I had a 1 on 1 video conversation with Emily, the blogger of triumphwellness.com. I admit I was nervous, thinking about how it might go-similar to meetings with doctors and nutritionists where I left feeling less-than. Bad. To blame. "you need to diet." "You need to excercise HARD" "you need to eat chicken until"..and so on, only this time I would feel extra inadequate not being a full vegan. As my fiance' said "you're not a vegan-you don't make me feel guilty for eating stuff.you lead by example and it helps me. :' )" sniff.

It wasn't like that.

Emily has a gift.

In 90 minutes, she was able to dig deeper than anyone I had seen for help before.

She was kind. And gentle. And nuturing. And she said "many of my clients think they have a metabolic problem but its usually an issue with pasta. I really believe your metabolism IS broken."

OMG.

She BELIEVED me. She listened. She probed.

Emily asked "and when you were at your ideal weight last, what is the first thing you remember?"

I had nowhere to hide. The raw emotions came flooding back. Divorce. A huge house that I could no longer afford. 2 dying dogs that I eventually had to put down. Hurricane Ike. Fear of looters. Fear of my ex coming to seek revenge. Fear of a new job. Fear of a new city. The incredible LONLINESS.

My throat caught.

I didn't feel SAFE then. No protection. I buried myself in weight lifting and work for protection. I listened to my music that gives me strength. Chevelle. MCR.

I know today that things have changed drastically. I'm happy at home and work. I have a wonderful man who I love more than life itself. A great, challenging job, family, friends, condo and great medical care.

I asked "Is it possible that my brain and body don't know this yet?".

"Possibly. Is there another area of your life that doesn't feel safe?"

Work. A good-ol-boy place that will eat you alive unless you are tough as nails.

I had struggled with bullying for years there. Now things are changing for the better and I still have fear. "What if I get promoted? (Stress on top of my health stuff)? "What if I don't? (Never rising above, paving the way for ladies in this tough business)? Conflict. The weight of the world.

The weight.

Its haunted me most of my life. Chubby kid. Anorexic teen. Sibling comparison pressures and on and on.

All this written on the front and back of an envelope on things to try, what to do.

Solutions:

*Crocs for my feet to wear at my work gym
*workout just 20 min/day every day-dont have to get gross and sweaty.
*try chickpea omelette for breakfast
*try dandelion tea @ work instead of coffee
*try EFT-a kind of accupressure tapping technique
*I may always have to track my food but I am grateful for the tools available to me.
*create a mantra for myself and write it to have by my bedside

"My inner core is a thin rod of steel. It's now safe to let the scale go down to expose the steel core that will always protect me. I am loved. I am safe."

*check back in in 2 weeks.

Thank you, God, for Emily today.

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Sensa v. Tortilla Girl...

Arturos in Old Town Spring, TX. A favortite haunt from the days when I lived here.

The breakfasts are to die for. Slow-cooked pork, chorizos, amazing flavors.

I decided to play it safe and order what I was familiar with pointwise. 2 eggs, bacon and flour TORTILLAS!! 4 + 2 + 11=17 (brunch here people..)

You know what I mean-those soft, delicious pancakey-tasting discs from heaven (and Mexico).
Confronted with a "warmer" of those I will "just have 1 more" and "just 1 more" if they're in front of me. At 4 points for a 6" small one, I just can't afford that.

I went to church this morning, so, upon seeing the "warmer" I prayed...

And sprinkled Sensa.

It lended a weird texture but kept me to 2.8 small ones. Notice just the little bit left. Also, the fattening refried beans and potatoes stayed put.

I think I'll order Sensa Month 2 and see what happens. It seems to work on fattening foods. Within a minute or so of remembering to put it on, I wasn't ravenous.
And that's a big deal for Tortilla Girl...

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